There are some incredible moments in our lives that teach us some great lessons. We all have them, I believe, and I had one last night. It was the during the birth of my son, Ethan. I guess you'd have to know the history behind my son, a history that started years before he was even conceived.
You see, I was told by God that I would have a child some 7 years ago. Yes, you read that right. God told me I would have a child. I find it so funny when I tell people that I've heard from God at various points in my life. If you don't think that's possible, you may not like reading my blog posts. I'm hoping that doesn't turn you off. But I digress...this encounter with God happened one morning when I was jogging in a local park and had stopped to take a break, sitting on a bench. There was a tree growing nearby. This wasn't a fully grown tree, but it was grown enough to be called mature.
The odd thing about this tree was that it had a branch growing near the base of the tree. Normally these branches are trimmed before they grow too large and that prompted the thought for me that this branch should be trimmed because this tree was just too mature to have a branch at that level. It was at that moment that God spoke to me. No, there was no parting of the clouds and a tremendous voice rumbling from the heavens. His was a small voice in my mind.
"You are like that tree", He said to me.
"How am I like that tree", I replied.
"You are mature, past the age of new branches, but I will bring a branch from you at this mature age." was his reply.
So many emotions ran through my head at that moment and for the days, weeks, months and years to come. This conversation took place 7 years ago, not too awfully long after my wife and I had gotten married. We had the conversation about kids and my wife didn't want any. I have three from previous marriages, so it was really not a problem for me if we didn't have any. Imagine how I felt going home to my wife to tell her that God had told me that He was going to give us a child. Really, it was a funny conversation. My wife doesn't share my views about God and I don't think she believes God takes an active role in our lives. Maybe she believes a bit more now, but that story is still unfinished.
I have to admit that I was beginning to wonder if this promise was actually going to come to pass. My wife and I had been married almost 7 years, we weren't trying not to have children yet we had none and I was beginning to question God about this promise. What happened? Did I subconsciously want to have a child and create a conversation to somehow justify this decision to have a child to myself, thus putting words into God's own mouth? I really began to question everything, to myself and to God. That's when He confirmed to me that we would be having a child and that my wife was,in fact, pregnant.
I told my wife the next day that she needed to get a pregnancy test and she thought I was crazy. I had to insist before she got not just one but two tests. You could hear the incredulity in her voice when she came downstairs to tell me that it was positive. We were going to be having a baby! That was 9 months ago and here we are today. God made a promise and, when it seemed impossible, He kept that promise.
There were many times over the last 9 months that I had little scares. Was he growing ok, was everything going to turn out alright, would he be healthy? God promised me a child but He never promised that child would be healthy, that there'd be no complications or that we'd have no trials along the way. In fact, my wife ended up with gestational diabetes and had to be closely monitored along the way, prompting the decision to induce labor yesterday. Circumstances turned out that Susana's water broke in the wee hours of the morning yesterday and he was born last night.
The delivery wasn't without complications however and we had an incredibly scary moment at the end of he delivery that left me feeling things that I hope to never feel again. You see, Susana had a very difficult time pushing Ethan out. I don't know if it was due to the epidural or a lack of strength from pushing for over 3 hours and no food for over 24, but she just couldn't get him all the way out. He was stuck in the birth canal under her pubic bone for over an hour. She pushed and pushed to no avail and as time wore on, he was getting more and more stressed. His heartbeat was dropping dangerously low at each contraction and she had to take oxygen with each attempt to push him out.
The doctor finally had to put a suction cup on his head to pull him out, getting him out enough so we could see his head. Susana began pushing again and almost had his head all the way out, only to have him slide back in. The monitors were going crazy, his heartbeat disappeared and I began to get worried. I've seen 4 children come into this world and never once considered that one might not make it.
The real concern came when the midwife started calling for someone to get the doctor ASAP, a look of total despair on her face. The nurse was holding the monitor against Susana's belly, desperately looking for a heartbeat and Susana was pushing as hard as she could, face red as a beat, oxygen mask askew on her face. Ethan's head came out on the next push. The midwife turned his head and I could see his face. It was bluish gray and, by all accounts, lifeless. Just reliving that moment in my mind now fills me with the most awful feelings.
I remember thinking in my head, "How could this be? How could my promised child die like this? Surely they'll be able to revive him!" I pleaded with my wife to push harder. He had to come out now!!! The midwife hastily made the decision to cut my wife to get him out and it seemed like it took forever to get the needle, deaden the spot and make the required cuts. My mind was racing and I must have had an awful look on my face that I couldn't hide from my wife. She saw it and began to cry, "NO, NO, NO!!!", bearing down and pushing even as the midwife was cutting her. I cried out to God, "Please!"
Finally, the midwife pulled Ethan's body free and literally tossed him onto Susana's belly like today's catch at the fish market. He was a blue gray, bloody mess and he wasn't moving. I didn't want to look at him, didn't want to see my dead son, but was helpless to look away. Then, he started moving, started making small noises and the nurse snatched him up and took him to the other side of the room to work on him. I was left, spent emotionally and physically, almost ready to collapse if not for my wife's hand. The next few minutes is a blur to me.
Ethan turned out to be just fine. He was a bit blue, not none the worse for wear. Susana required some stitches and we'll both have some amazing memories from the whole ordeal, but we'll be fine. I'll forever have a lesson learned...
If God makes a promise, He keeps it! Ethan, you are that promise, son. I hope you have a chance to read this one day and you will know it to be true as well.
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