A new day, a new life...a new blog!

Here I am, sitting with my wife and waiting for my son to be born. Before you think me callous and uncaring, know that she's in the beginning stages of labor and isn't lacking for attention! As soon as something more serious than some napping and occasional contractions occur, I assure you I will be there for whatever. Until then, why not write about it?

I've always wanted to be a writer and even had a real estate blog for a while a few years back. I found that I enjoyed it very much and even had some great feedback on the blogs I wrote. Now, it's a new year and a new beginning for my wife and me, so I've decided to begin another chapter of my life...writing.

I guess we all feel that there's some deep truths hidden away in the lives we've led. Some great and profound lessons we've learned along the way, indelibly engraved on our minds, that we might be able to share with others. Maybe it's just our need to make some sort of good use of the trials of life. Our mistakes are somehow justified by the lessons we've learned and the growth we've made. Do we ever stop growing? I imagine we take breaks or that we grow in spurts. I've heard it said that growth only comes through pain and trials. If that's the case, I guess I should be grateful when the trials come.

Today, there are no trials. Today isn't a day for looking back. This is a day for looking forward. I'll have a son born to me today! I don't know if I can describe the feelings that thought brings to mind for me. I feel great joy at the thought of a little me running around. I also have a feeling of trepidation over whether I'll get it right this time. I so want to be a great dad. I look back at my other children's lives and can so plainly see that I missed the mark with them.

It would be very easy to blame missing the mark on my two failed marriages. It couldn't possibly be all my fault, right? I have to own my mistakes though and wish that I had done so many things differently. It'd be foolish for me to say that I wish I'd never gotten two divorces. Life is what it is and I can't go back there. I wish I'd handled those divorces better though. My children really got the worst of them. They will deal with the feelings of abandonment for years to come, I'm afraid, while I deal with feeling like my children were snatched from me by my exes. I've never been able to get them to see that I didn't abandon them. I was pushed out of the picture, an inconvenient reminder of a failed relationship to my ex wives and a part-time dad to children who didn't understand why I couldn't be there for them as much as they wanted.

I think that's the thing I look forward to most with the birth of my son, Ethan. I get to be a full time dad, whether he wants it or not. I think I'll be a great dad! I have so much to share with him, so much to show him and teach him. I can't wait to walk through life, holding his hand and listening to the leaves crunch beneath our feet as we walk in the woods. I look forward to seeing his face when he sees the snow for the first time or when he dips his toes in the ocean for the first time. I think that's the greatest thing about babies...everything's new!

Well, that's enough meandering for now. Susana's contractions are coming faster and stronger now and my work is beginning in earnest. Until next time...